It took me 10 years to become aware of how deep and life-encompassing the transformations were that arose out of training to become a Carnaval Showgirl. I knew what we were up to was far more than “fun,” “a workout,” and “a sense of accomplishment” (while all those are fine in their own right). But I didn’t dare to stop and fully apprehend what was up. Why? Because I was scared!
What was I scared of? I can only articulate this in retrospect, but I was scared of embodying my own Power, Presence, Radiance & Divinity off stage, in my moment-to-moment life. I at least got my hit, my 5 minutes on stage per week or so, to keep me alive, but to embody that Full Shazam all day, every day? Not to mention acknowledging that I could catalyze that in other women, even large groups of other women: WHOA! That takes some grounded ovaries!!!!! ; )
I was due for a reckoning with the Divine Feminine (aka My Awakening Inner Showgirl or My Sacred Inner Showgirl). And I did not come to the table gracefully. Far from it.
I was still pretty identified with the Masculine ways of doing things that has been so prevalent in our culture (until now ; ), so I kept myself busy enough to not totally tune into the fullness of the transformations that were popping from the showgirl awakenings. I didn’t even use the term Showgirl Awakening until 2012!
Before I could fully recognize the awakenings catalyzed by this work, I had to have my showdown with the Sacred Showgirl herself. This ironically happened right after leading contingents in Carnaval and Pride parades in 2010.
I was exhausted. I really knew how to do burn out in style ; ).
Long story short, I found myself in Buenos Aires, exhausted and alone~~and really acutely feeling loneliness~~right after parade season.
My body & mind were both over-tired, and my spirit didn’t approve of how I was handling my role of CEO of my body, so she frequently took trips of her own (ie without ME!….leaving me extra alone).
I got sick there while I was alone. This was big, dark scary sickness. The whole story is a one woman show I created in 2013, but know for now that this sickness nearly took my life. I miraculously made it back to the states and ended up being nursed by my mother for a month, after a 3-day hospital stay.
While recuperating, the Divine Feminine had my Full Attention. Despite the fact that I was a professional dancer and teacher, I was really good at not listening to my body, and this is one of Her favorite ways to speak to us.
Yes, I’m aware of the irony – a dancer and body-wisdom talker who just won’t listen to her OWN body. Healer, heal thyself!
Well, since she had my full attention (I couldn’t talk on the phone or use the computer at all while recuperating, both made me immediately ill), she gave full and clear downloads, which are the heart of Showgirl Awakening principles and practices. And she taught me the way the Divine Feminine likes to teach: direct body transmission. No taking notes. No making lists. Direct to my body and my emotions.
Lots of tears marked my path to recovery. Sad and Happy tears, all at once. Sad, because opening to the Divine Feminine means opening to Empathy and Compassion and feeling the pain of all people (first of all: ME! The pain I had numbed out from chronically overworking). Happy tears because I could now really feel again, and experienced in my body that I was not alone, and could not be alone. She was always there. She was Me ; )
I’ve since discovered the importance of embodying not just the Divine Feminine, but also the Divine Masculine. They now live married in me. It’s not a static state, by any means. But this Divine, Embodied Marriage is at the heart of all Showgirl Awakening dance movements and mindset shifts.
For Carnaval 2017, we dance the Sacred Marriage of the Feminine and the Masculine.
The movements we dance express both the Feminine and the Masculine. Evoking the Feminine with hip circles, magnetizing to us what we truly desire, and calling out the Masculine by extending our gorgeous limbs to their utmost, simultaneously extending our Will and our Presence, a physical expression of our acceptance & celebration of our Embodied Power.
We dance as an expression of the Sacred Marriage of the Divine Feminine & Divine Masculine as embodied in each of us! We not only accept & celebrate ourSelves and our Bodies, but we accept & even celebrate how scary it is to Show Up and embody the Sacred Marriage of Feminine & the Masculine.
We accept that we’re scared, precisely because we are not used to unleashing our Full Power and Presence, Radiance and Divinity. But we also acknowledge our Sacred Self, and create a container together – a sisterhood of Awakening Showgirls with an experienced Showgirl Shaman leading the way.
You can find out all the details of the Carnaval Showgirl Awakening Experience HERE. If you have questions or wonder if it’s right for you, you can also email me directly, and I would love to speak with you.
With Shimmies of Radiant Divine Love,